| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|06:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
sooo today i went to the thanksgiving thing at the fire dept. place tht my uncle rented out...kinda weird tht zack dyer was there, but idk thre was this whole side of the family there tht im just related to through marriage..
so tomm i think i might juss live off coffe or sumthin, i have to get up at 4 so i can go christmas shopping w/ my mom and grandmother...the stores open @ like 5 lol
nd ihave like wayyyy 2 much h.w...:-( i have to read 100 pages for english and write a page essayy...
buttt good news is that i have the try out dance down for cheering, and im going to continue practicing for tryouts on monday! im so excited for the season, and its a win win situation cuz w/e team i make im still going to competitions...which is awesome!
band practice this sat...hopefuly im awake enough lol
then on sunday im going shopping w/ ashlee...CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!i <3 christmas shopping it rocks
nd i love christmas...its my fav holiday besides the getting fat part cuz ppl shove food in ur face
newayyyy im gonna go practice my routine more... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|07:53 pm] |
I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.I Love God.
Just thought I'd say that :-) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|04:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
UGH!!!
i hate this!!!
I Love Mike!!
thats right, i just said it..
he has no idea, that i love him and i've never stopped loving him
im just so tired of this
he likes so many girls,
and even though wer not dating, im so commited
ive never liked anyone besides josh ever since
me and mike have broke up,
and i ended up not liking josh after like 3 days
this is so hard,
especially beings mike likes all of these pretty girls
that are skinny, and beautiful
unlike me who is fat and ugly!!!
if he didnt like girls that were so pretty
this would be so much easier
i wouldnt feel so bad
but no
im just stuck here
in a state of lonliness
with no one to talk to
EXCEPT MY FRIGGIN LIVE JOURNAL!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Loved by no one but God right now |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|04:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | chasing cars--snow patrol | ] |
I hate this
I hate the feeling that I have right now
I feel sooo extremely lonely..
its a feeling that i get often, and i can't stand it
my dad was supposed to call me a week ago but he never did,
I have no idea where he is right now
my mother, she's where she always is
at her boyfreinds
doing what she normally does
drinking probably
i hate to say this,
but at times like these i'm convinced my parents dont love me
but i could understand
i mean i was a mistake in the first place....
And the guy that I've liked for 5 months now doesnt like me
he likes a different girl
that's skinnier
and prettier than me...
just like any other girl in this world
and i didnt even make my cal goal i had today
i had to of ate at least 900 or 1000 cals
thats disgusting!!it makes me want to puke just thinking of it
im so grose!!!
The only positive thing i can think of right now
would be God...im so thankful and lucky to have him
in my life
and 2 all of u ppl tht think im some Jesus freak
well,
go ahead and think that!
BECAUSE YOUR RIGHT
I AM A JESUS FREAK!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|08:49 am] |
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sooo today is my birthday, ive been waiting a very long time to turn 15 so i can take driver's ed!lol i can already tell this bday is gonna b a hell of a lot better then last year...cuz my mom is actually coming home instead of staying w/ kirt..i mean how hard is it to spend 1 day a year w/ ur daughter? newayy its kinda funny, cuz its my bday yet i have to give carrie her present today lol and i also have band practice, i hope i can get my guitar all tuned up juss right b4 i go..but newway i think ima go finish watching the other half of titanic (very very sad movie) makes me cry every time :-( |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2006|05:40 am] |
Why can't you see the pain
I'm feeling inside:
I know that it shows
through my pride
Just look into my eyes and you'll
see the tears
brought on by pain
held close for years
I know, I pretend
that nothing's wrong
I try very hard to appear to be strong
please look behind the mask
I wear
I am so desperate
for someone to care |
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| ..... |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|03:45 pm] |
so i just got back from a pretty long run, im tired nd sweaty now but i feel good @ the same time....i still need to finish writing that letter back to my dad, speaking of him he's called twice in the past few days so i take it he's realy trying to get intouch with me...i dont want to talk to him on the phone though, because its wayy 2 stressful.
so i found out yesterday, that once i get my driver's license were most likely moving to kirts and putting an addition on 2 his house...the 40 min. drive to school evrymorn is gonna suck, but @ least ill still get 2 see all of my freinds nd stuff...plus ill get to move out of my trailer and live in a house :-), nd there is a public beach and beaver brooke right down the road so thts kinda kewl 2.
i think as soon as i get some of my energy back im gonna either workout or go on the stair-climber machine thingy nd get some more excersize....maybe I'll do both? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2006|08:23 am] |
so my dad sent me a letter in the mail yesterday, its so fucking hard. I want to believe everything that he says but its so hard, because he lies to me way too much. The letter made me cry, even though i wasn't sure if it was true or not. i knew that he was in jail, but i had no idea that he was in auburn (kinda close :-/) but ig its partially good that he's in jail b/c i know he was sober when he wrote the letter. he also tried calling me a few weeks ago, but i didn't take the call b/c its to hard to talk to him on the phone, he always pressures me. ig thats why im such a week person, giving into ppl pressuring me when it comes to drugs or w/e b/c my dad has always been there, pressuring me to go against my mom, and against my family...and also i think the reason why i have such a heavy concious and feel guilty easily is b/c of him..cuz hed always make me feel bad so id give in to him, hed even manage to shed some tears now and then...
i haven't even talked to my dad's side of the family, i dont know them very well...and its kind of his fault because he was always caught up in living by himself and drinking. I never got the chance to hang out w/ his side of the family often b/c he was always doing other stuff :-( |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2006|08:18 am] |
"Far Away"
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
[CHORUS]
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|06:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | inside of you--hoobastank (<3 tht song) | ] |
hmmm lets see..this morning i went to o.o.b w/ my aunt,mom,jerek my cousin, nd my bro adam...it was great cuz im gettin alot tanner now, nd i used to glow in the dark (or so my freinds said) me nd my mom got into another fight like usual..nd go figure she made me feel like the shittiest person on earth but then again maybe i am...
it all started when she asked me wht i wanted for my birthday, and i said drivers ed..nd shes like "oh" but then 2 seconds later shes like oh well i didnt get my liscence until i was 17 nd i dont wanna pay for it blah blah blah..you make me feel like such a bad person cuz u ask me for things i cant do blah blah u make me feel so guilty blah blah u dont respect anything i do for you...
and i was like bull fucking shit...you got ur liscence at fucking 15 and back then you could have a fucking job at 14 so maybe if i was old enough to fucking have a job then id fucking have one!!!ugh pisses me the fuck off shes such a hypocrit, cuz she said how i make her feel guilty cuz i ask her for things she cant do...but she expects me to get a job and pay for my own drivers ed at fucking 14 years old..ya fuckin right!!!
but there is at least 2 good things again in my life: 1- my dads in jail for 5 years so i wont have to see him for 5 years, maybe even longer b/c by then id b out of highschool nd maybe have my own place so he wouldnt know where i lived so he couldnt get ahold of me!sweetness.......nd 2- mike decided to choose me over me nd erin...i love him way to much to give him up although idid for a while nd it seemed like my life was going to end just cuz everything was going wrong...literaly evrything lol but neway me nd mike are dating again..back on the same road nd hopefully this relationship will take us someplace better nd hopefully we can use this second chance to fix all of our mistakes
but wht really sucks is tht beth hates mike, so that makes evrything completely worse...cuz she has her ways of burrying her head in my shit |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|11:51 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | music |
| | me and you- cassie | ] |
ugh i feel soo fat right now..i neeed 2 workout ih8 my body!!especaily my legs...hmm imnot sure wht workout i feel like doing tho..neway
mike came ova this morning..he was sore from training so we just watched tv, not 2 exciting but owell
carrie nd i went running up the hill last night, im hoping she'll be willing to do it w/ me everyday cuz tht would b awesome..its a great workout 2
lets see my aunt donna and my cousin jerek are coming up from georgia this week!woop woop...my aunt is like my role model,
mike and I have been dating for a month, although it doesnt seem like tht cuz it seems like weve been dating for 6 months...
well ima go workout now, nd hopefully go running 2.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|12:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
My dad just fucking called me. Wow he actually sounded sober for once, but what really fucking sucks is that he's back in maine, in livermore falls to be exact. Why? why the fuck did he have to come back? If i see that guy one more time i swear either im gonna go insane or kill someone, maybe even him. I'm so fucking sick of all the drama he makes, he makes my life a living hell. I miss not knowing where he was, I actually didnt care that he was missing. It was nice onmy half actually, I didn't have to "play" daughter.
It pisses me off he can be missing for 8 monthts, and then all of a sudden comes back into my life and pretends to be a normal father. Thats what I hate about him, he thinks he can just fucking come into my life and be a father WHEN HE WANTS TO BE ONE. THATS NOT THE WAY THIS FUCKING WORLD WORKS!!!!! Somebody shoot me, please i dont want to see that man ever again. I don't even know him, he doesnt know me either although he pretends to. Frigin makes up shit about me, that i had nothing to do with. And then one time he was going to come by my house to pick me up, so i would never come back. you shouldve seen me then, i was about ready to kill myself.
And i cant frigin beleive what he did to my grandmother, he made her pass out b/c he was so scared of him, and she had to go to the hospital. then my dads like, oh its not my fault i was just trying to have a conversation w/ her. YA A FUCKING CONVERSATION IS FRIGIN THREATENING AN INNOCENT GRANDMOTHER!!! ugh i hate that man!!
HE NEEDS TO GET WASTED, GO ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE EARTH, GET FUCKED, AND DIE!!
blah |
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| today |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|06:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
just got done getting ready..now im just waiting for my grandparents to get here to bring me to the dentist's office..me and mike have almost been dating for 3 weeks, geez it goes by fast.
hmm um i have to babysitt my little brother today and maybe hang out w/ mike. and then this weekend im going to meagans birthday party, even tho i have no idea what to get her. but ill figure something out.
and then next weekend after that, i have atmosphere and im joining the band thingy. hopefully they think im a good enough guitar player :-P geez its taking forever for my grandparents to get here but ima go newyz..... |
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| the texas chainsaw massacre |
[May. 9th, 2006|03:39 pm] |
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you know whts realy weird? did you know in the real texas chainsaw massacre, the killer only killed 6 people and he didn't even use a chainsaw...thts so dumb how ppl say that the movie is "based on a true story" b/c its based on a lie, so next time you get freaked out by a movie that claims to be based on a true story think twice |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2006|03:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
so umm i went to kurts this weekend w/ my mom/bro...
guess who i saw..kyle of all ppl lol we hung out for a bit and it was fun
i deffinately still like him.. idont think i ever got over him...but i dont think he ever got over me either...
anyway ugh i hate sundays, b/c im always so miserable cuz i hate school but neway i cant wait until the summer...
this weekend omg me and carrie were sooooo hyper and we made a movie..though its pretty messed up lol so that was prety much my weekend :-)
~anGELEA |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|09:41 am] |
| [ | music |
| | space...something corporate | ] |
omg im so fucking bored right now...if i didnt have to babysitt my brother id prob be somewhere else having a life lol...i just downloaded an episode of laguna beach on my computer and now its as slow as ever haha
also literally nobody is buying stuff on my other account :-( if ur interested my other journal is evenescence91....buy stuff!!lol
anywayyyy im on april vaca right now and im going to get my hair cut tommorow!!its going to be really short but i hope it comes out okay im getting a fringe/bang type thingy but idk
~ange |
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| my new clothes |
[Apr. 8th, 2006|02:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the emo song | ] |
Dear Diary,
Mood:Apathetic
lol just had to say tht
so ya im sitting here bored as hell cuz im babysitting, not in the greatest mood but better than i was earlier,
the thing is that theres been so much fucking drama in my life and its stressing me out and ugh its just so hard but ig ill get through it but it just pisses me off how ppl that have good lives take them for granted im not saying i have a bad life but i dont but i deffinately have it worse than so many other ppl and they thing they have the worst lives in the world...but neway on to a diff topic
today was a half day!!hmm enough of this lazy ass computer stuff im gonna go sk8bord and play my guitar
~Angelea |
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| at alys |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|10:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i write sins not tragedies by panic at the disco | ] |
so ya im at alys right now and were listening to panic at the disco...so ya basically today was an okay day...we had some guy come in and teech us how to use apple batteries?lol and today in english i had to share my poem!!ahh that wasnt good i was nervous nd i dk why!but ya im sleeping the night at alys and we went to see a middle shcool play called the last gladiator it was interesting and ppl kept on forgetting their lines but it was funny anyway..omg and kendra and maria were laughing at the most randomnest parts!!!!and then we used marias lotion and i accidently used way too much so i wiped it on the chair and that ended up becoming this whole scene lol but anyway my hands are still soft. neway im gonna go cuz im sick of typing
~ANge~ |
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| my first blog!or entry or w/e |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|01:58 pm] |
so ya im basically laughing my ass off right now because i was just practicing my cheering dance and somebody saw me!!!cuz i was doing it in front of the window and they were loooking in!!!it was an old lady tho so im not tht embarassed um neway moms here g2g
Peace! |
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